Phantom Pain Wings
By Kim Hyesoon
Translated by Don Mee Choi
Bird in high heels
walks on asphalt, crying
Mascara drips down
My night feathers are infinitely, infinitely large
Critics tell me,
Condolences are for us
You’re too filthy for them
I keep dreaming the same dream
It has the face of a human but
is a bird when it stretches out its limbs
I told you not to cut me off
I keep dreaming the same dream
Inside my bone
bird’s transparent pathway
Behind my sunglasses
two black beans on a silver platter
(Can you read dreams with those two beans?)
I can’t take any calls at the moment because I’m having a meal
I eat as I walk
I lift my head as I walk
I shit blood as I walk
Its name? Bird
That bird with glass stuck to its abdomen
Bird is chased by wind
Maybe it has sand feathers?
Homeless bird
its tiny shoulders
Bird sticks to glass then vanishes
To be honest, I walk because my armpits flutter
I walk because I’m ashamed of my huge wings
I walk because my bird house is smaller than me
When it rains my soaked hands are infinitely, infinitely large
Bird was on its way to die, to hide
The second it turns around to look at me
it chirps, This is Seoul!
There’s no place for me to hide here!
Please push me off the cliff!
Bird swirls in the air like a lonely gaze
Critics say,
Safety can’t be guaranteed
We’ll hit you when you come in
Bird replies, Please stop talking about me!
Bird is up in the air
after being flung onto the ground
Honestly, this isn’t the sound of rain
It’s the sound of my high heels pounding the asphalt
Tonight, there’s no place for me
to hide except in this bathroom
I’m calmed by the sound of
water streaming from the faucet
I mourn in here
My hand trembles
as I curl up my eyelashes with mascara as if lifting up my black wings
The sound of rain hitting the tiles pushes me off the deep end
Tonight, there’s no place for me to put down my poem
Notes:
Read the Korean-language version, "날개 환상통."
Kim Hyesoon, "Phantom Pain Wings" (Tr. by Don Mee Choi) from Phantom Pain Wings. Copyright © 2023 by Kim Hyesoon. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corporation.
